


maybe it's not perfect (but it's ours)

by 6woojin



Category: GOT7
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Cancer, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Self-Esteem Issues, Terminal Illnesses, it doesnt happen in the fic but its implied 2 happen later, kinda implied 2jae? like in another world they could happen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-19
Updated: 2016-08-19
Packaged: 2018-08-09 05:45:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7788976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/6woojin/pseuds/6woojin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"aren't you a bit young to be having a midlife crisis?"<br/>"a bit old, actually." jaebum shrugs. "i'll be dead in a few weeks."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> FIRST MAKE SURE U READ MY TAGS okay bless thank u :'))))  
> (aLSO just so u kno,,, this goes from 0 to 100 rEAL QUICK so sorry abt that !!!)
> 
> ALSO i made a playlist for this !!!!! give it a listen over on 8tracks: http://8tracks.com/yugbams/imperfect
> 
> this is the result of a 10-day vacation w limited wifi nd a boatload of angst,,,,, (bc i was on a boat. haha get it)  
> im honestly not too sure how i feel abt this so !!! i hope this is okay nd i hope u enjoy it :')))))
> 
> also im?? not a doctor nor am i v knowledgeable w medicine or science or that type of stuff so obviously i dont kno much abt cancer nor do i pretend to !! i rlly rlly dont want 2 romanticize it or make it seem a certain way,,,, i just needed something potentially deadly (over time nd w/o proper checkups nd everythin) so ! if i offended anyone then im rlly rlly sorry bc i definitely didnt want that to happen so please, if i did smthn in particular then let me know nd ill do everything i can to change that !!!!!

the thing is, jaebum's essentially been screwed since he was born.

as soon as he had been old enough to understand what the designs on his skin were, he had questioned and wondered as he learned about soulmates and the art that linked them to each other.

his father had gently brought him aside, crafting stories and explanations of the black lines weaving around each other across jaebum's hand and over his chest. he was, as his father said, ~~un~~ lucky - where most people had three sets of designs over their heart, jaebum only had one; there was no second or third best soulmate for him, just a single individual that he was meant to share his heart with. (jaebum's parents always said that he used to have more, used to have three just like everyone else, but he had grown up and his soulmates had grown up and suddenly they weren't compatible any more.)

jaebum had asked if his soulmate still had all three, or if maybe they were in the same boat he was in, and his parents kept quiet and unsure, wondering which option was better, which option they should pray for.

but jaebum was hopeful, and he figured that his soulmate would never settle for their second or third best if they could have him, so everything was fine.

(it wasn't.)

\---

 jaebum is twenty four years old when he finds out that he's as good as dead.

he's too shocked to be angry, but he's too frustrated to be despondent, so he's left wandering around the town surrounding the hospital, aimless as he passes building after building. a few days ago, had he been lost in the same place, he would've found his way home with a light heart. now though, he's not so sure if he can even call an apartment his home, treating a few square meters of concrete and wood like the place he was destined to go back to time and time again.

somewhere along his directionless path, jaebum stumbles into a coffee shop. it's small and a bit warm even compared to the spring air outside, but it's quiet enough and jaebum needs time to think, so he figures he might as well stay and get something to drink while he's there.

(part of him knows he should call jackson, should tell his best friend the news and maybe an apology or farewell to match, but his phone is heavy in his pocket and his fingers feel like lava, hot and shapeless and destructive.)

jaebum always resigned himself to protein shakes and water before, jackson's rants about health having somehow wormed their way into jaebum's head. but now jaebum doesn't have to worry about cholesterol or blood pressure or anything, really. (it's probably a side effect of his impending death.)

"welcome to coco cafe! can i take your order?"

jaebum blinks up to see a young boy beaming at him, smile practically glowing under the cafe's muted lights.

if things were different, jaebum would've offered a charming smile in return, maybe flirted his way into a date. but things aren't different, and the boy is so bright and beautiful and jaebum is ugly and poisonous, too terrible to trouble the boy over someone with a promise to reapers, someone too far from a proper soulmate, a proper anything.

he orders quickly and quietly, eyes and voice down. at the very least, it matches his mood, and he's determined to wallow in his own self-pity for as long as he can before he has to talk to anyone else or start his inevitable explanations and goodbyes.

(he checks his hand on instinct, the same way he does after he meets anyone new, but he's wearing a sling now and he has to move awkwardly to pull the cloth aside to check his hand. his soulmate design stares back at him, dark lines resting over his skin like it would be there for all of jaebum's life. at the rate things are going, that's probably not too much of a stretch.)

his order tends to take a while no matter where he goes, so jaebum makes his way to an empty table (the only empty table, he notes absently) and makes himself at home with the quiet and void that brushes against his shoulders. it's not unlike his apartment, similarly lacking in comfort and security.

he's still waiting for his drink when a stranger slides into the spot across from him. jaebum looks up, not so much out of curiousity as reflex, and watches the boy unpack half a dozen books and notebooks.

the stranger is beautiful in a horrible way, so full of half-formed thoughts and curious lies that jaebum looks away instinctively. if the boy working behind the counter was the sun, then this boy was the moon, reflective and perceptive and familiarly distant.

despite all of that, or maybe because of it, jaebum can't look away for long, and he finds himself caught in an invisible trap, gaze fixed on the boy across from him.

a moment of quiet passes, and then the stranger finally looks up from his own belongings to meet jaebum's eyes. the stranger's own eyes are a lot darker than jaebum thought they'd be; he had expected something startlingly bright, iridescent against the boy's smooth features. instead, they're a lot more similar to the boy's hair, dark and careful, a time bomb that promises eternities. he seems like the same kind of boy that jaebum would normally avoid, someone full of too many questions and too little answers.

"sorry, i just assumed this spot was free. is it okay if i sit here?" the boy watches jaebum, every movement polite and careful, so practiced and self-aware that jaebum hesitates.

"yeah, it's fine." he feels a sort of prickling on his skin, on his hand and his arm and everywhere, but the other boy is looking at him like jaebum is a particularly strange book that he's contemplating whether or not he should check it out, and jaebum refuses to look away. (plus, his sling is usually pretty irritable, and looking at it wouldn't do him any good.)

"park jinyoung." the boy says finally as he extends his hand, and his smile is warm. jaebum's eyes are wary, but he tries on his own smile as he takes the boy's hand and shakes it.

"im jaebum." his smile is old and worn, something that he was used to keeping tucked away. (it didn't fit him quite right any more.) "nice to meet you."

"and you." jinyoung grins, and he slides a few of his books to the side. "hey, i can't help but notice," (what a lie; jaebum knows that jinyoung had been searching him for anything interesting to make conversation of) "you seema little out of it."

jaebum hesitates then, torn between which of his answers was best, which of his answers was right. eventually, he settles on, "i'm reevaluating my existence." jinyoung smiles at him, expression cloudy but amused all the same. jaebum blinks, and he swears he can see something dim shining in jinyoung's eyes, but it's covered with something infinitely darker.

"aren't you a bit young to be having a midlife crisis?"

"a bit old, actually." jaebum shrugs. "i'll be dead in a few weeks." he watches as his words sink in, the blatant and flippant morbidity of his statement wearing at jinyoung's upturned lips.

"i'm sorry, what?" jinyoung still looks and sounds as polite as before, but there's something tense in his expression that wasn't there earlier. jaebum debates how he's supposed to respond before deciding that his answer really doesn't matter. chances were, he'd never see jinyoung again, and even if he did, he'd only have a few weeks of regret and embarrassment, so he wouldn't even have to deal with the consequences very long.

"i have bone cancer; osteosarcoma. i had surgery a few years ago, and it didn't work. i'm supposed to die by the end of the month." jaebum pauses. "i found out today." he tries to play it off as casual, but the wound is too fresh and every word out of his mouth is a bucket of salt. something stings at his eyes, but he ignores it in favor of boring holes into the table.

"and how are you doing?" jinyoung watches him expectantly (expecting what, jaebum's not quite sure), expression gentle and careful in the way that people are when they'seen themselves for too long, so strangely aware of how they look that they know how they're seen before anyone else actually sees them.

"physically?" jaebum questions, because he can do physical. physical is easy; it's science and tests and for the most part, under his control. (apparently not enough, but.) plus, he has no idea how he's supposed to act around jinyoung, how he's supposed to talk, what's okay and what's not. it's a balancing act involved in all of his blooming relationships, but he's only ever managed to keep a few flowers alive.

"i'm pretty sure i already know how you're doing physically," jinyoung quirks an eyebrow, unimpressed and unamused, "i was wondering how you were handling the news." there's a pause, the type of deliberate consideration that seems to come with everything the boy does. "you know,  _emotionally_."

"oh." jaebum hesitates. he wonders what he's supposed to say, wonders what he even feels in the first place, yet he never wonders if he should even tell jinyoung or not. they may know each other's names, but they're sitll strangers in every sense of the word. still, jaebum only knows to tell the other boy something, so he goes for the truth. (it's always easiest like that, anyways.) "alright, i guess."

"i doubt that," jinyoung smiles, but it's slow and bitter and weighed down with something that jaebum can't quite place, "but all things considered, you seem to be holding up okay."

jaebum's eyes crinkle at that, even though jinyoung is forcing judgement after assumption after insult into jaebum's lungs. his words seem friendly enough, so jaebum is stuck watching his walls crumble and praying that jinyoung never slips a bomb alongside his gifts.

"ah, jinyoung-approved misery." he teases, fighting to keep his tone light. "how would i look if i wasn't holding up well?"

jinyoung grins back, catlike and smug. (it's a good look on him.)

"a lot angrier," he decides, "or a lot more miserable. or both, if you're feeling particularly torn up."

"not everyone handles things the same way." jaebum says, but his mind is on jinyoung, too distracted on the other boy's response to even think about his own.

"of course not," jinyoung tilts his head, gaze never leaving jaebum's, and it's unerving but comforting all at once, "but i know your type."

jaebum falls quiet at that, careful and wary (but entranced all the same). he's starting to think that maybe there's a reason he thinks people like jinyoung are trouble.

it vaguely occurs to him that he's still waiting for his drink, but instead of listening for his name, he's making conversation with a boy he'd only just met and making jokes about his upcoming death.  _unusual_ doesn't even begin to cover it; still, jaebum puts the thought aside and leans back, watching the boy across from him with careful amusement.

"i'm assuming you're younger than me?" jaebum asks, partially because he's curious, but also because jinyoung refuses to stop looking at him expectantly, waiting for him to say something. jinyoung grins, cheeky smile wide and unashamed.

"probably. september 22, 1994." jinyoung shrugs.

"january 6, 1994." jaebum nods back, and he's not quite sure if it's too soon to have jinyoung use hyung, but anything else seems awkward, so he tacks on, "you can call me jaebum hyung."

"jaebum hyung," jinyoung repeats, grinning around the taste of his name, "alright."

someone else calls jaebum's name, and it takes him a second to realize that his coffee is ready. he fumbles while he stands, limbs heavy and light and everything and nothing all at once.

(it's probably a side effect of osteosarcoma. that, or the impending death that goes with it hand in hand. it's not true for everyone, but it is for jaebum, so it feels like it is.)

when jaebum returns back to his seat, jinyoung is watching him with such a careful expression that jaebum falters in his step. he settles back in his seat with a heavy smile and wary glances, tentatively meeting jinyoung's stare.

there's a moment of nothingness; everything between them is covered by static and quiet corners, fading wisps of fireflies dying out under a moonlit sky.

"how do you feel about soulmates?" jinyoung leans forward, lips soft and pursed and red from use. "are you one of those people who doesn't believe in them? against fate, and all that?" jaebum's hand slips, and suddenly his coffee is spreading across his arm, the table, seeping into the edges of jinyoung's books and soaking through his sling.

"shit." he hisses. jinyoung is quick to clear the table, fingers deft as he wipes it down with as many napkins as he can. jaebum murmurs an apology, but jinyoung waves it off with laughter in his eyes. he looks both more and less on edge at the same time, and jaebum isn't quite sure what to think.

"that against soulmates?" jinyoung asks, chuckling humorlessly even as he helps jaebum take his sling off. jaebum only shakes his head, too focused on his arm to see the rigid uneasiness in jinyoung's expression.

"no, you just caught me off guard." jaebum admits, sliding the sling off and quickly wiping his arm down. it's not much, but it gets rid of the burning on his arm. something seems off, but he's not quite sure what, so he decides to settle on keeping an eye out and focusing on his health. "why're you asking?"

jinyoung glances down at his own hand, and it's brief and short but jaebum catches it; he stares at the blank, unmarked skin and freezes. jaebum blinks, suddenly all-too-aware of their banter and  _oh, were we flirting_? (it's a shame, because jaebum thought he could at least make a friend out of this, but if they start off too awkward and in the wrong light then everything is awful because for some reason, he aches to have jinyoung in his life, even if there's not much of it left.)

jaebum looks back at his own hand, waiting for the curling black lines to taunt at him from his skin, but.

"oh." he says; the naked expanse of his skin looks foreign and out of place as it stares back at him, and jaebum tries not to shiver.

"oh." jinyoung echoes.

despite himself, jaebum grins. out of everyone out there that he could be destined to be with, he's glad it's jinyoung. (jaebum almost forgets that the promises inked on their chests might as well be curses. he knows he's on the lucky end; he gets to meet his soulmate and die happy and id love, while jinyoung is left with ashes and dust and fading designs. still, jaebum wants to have this, as unfair and terrible as it is.)

"guess i got the short end of the stick." jinyoung murmurs, a reluctant reverberation of jaebum's thoughts, and jaebum isn't sure if he's imagining the bitter amusement in the younger boy's voice.

"you'll have two more chances." jaebum tries for a comforting smile, but it falls short, settling awkwardly between them and caught in a space between things given and things received. jaebum ignores the way his stomach twists at the thought of jinyoung with someone else. he tries on another smile, anything that fits, and he's left with a bittersweet turn of his lips better suited to someone else.

"funny story," jinyoung huffs out a laugh, unconvincing even despite the crinkles of his eyes, and suddenly jinyoung is unbuttoning the first buttons on his shirt and pulling the collar down, revealing a single intricate design beneath his collarbone and across his chest, "i only have you."

there's a weight to his words that jaebum wishes jinyoung didn't have to bear, but instead of commenting on it, jaebum settles on laughing back, almost as hollow as jinyoung. jaebum tugs at the collar of his own shirt, the soft material of his sweatshirt moving easily to show an intricate design by his heart, identical to jinyoung's.

"oh." jinyoung blinks. "well, at least it's not just me."

"yeah, at least." jaebum says hesitantly. jinyoung is still a stranger as much as he is jaebum's soulmate, and jaebum has no idea where they fit with each other, how their jagged edges are supposed to align and match up in their hands and their words.

jaebum wishes they had met earlier.

maybe if they had met before, in another universe, it'd be perfect; they'd be healthy and in love and alone with each other, the only two people in the world with only one promise instead of three (and even if they weren't the only ones, that would be how it would feel, and it would be horrible and wonderful all at once. maybe jaebum would be different, too; he'd have two designs on his chest, two people out there to search for and love. maybe he'd meet jinyoung through a mutual friend; probably jackson, because the enthusiastic blonde knew anyone and everyone and was always looking to make more connections. maybe they'd be introduced and they'd fall in love hard and fast and with nothing holding them back; maybe they'd both be equal parts charmed and charming and  _stubborn_. maybe they'd come into each other's lives like a sort of breeze, new and refreshing and welcomed.

maybe jaebum would still end up with a due date on his life, but maybe jinyoung would be there with him every step of the way; he'd be the one asking the doctors questions, driving jaebum to hospitals, holding his hand. maybe in that world, jaebum would be in love instead of alone, and jinyoung would have a taste of a normal, happy relationship.

maybe that'd be best.

(jaebum doesn't think about the fact that when he'd leave, jinyoung would never taste it again; anything even remotely similar would taste stale on his tongue, bitter and nauseating. but jaebum doesn't think about that, because it's the only downside to that scenario that jaebum can think of in his tired, confused brain, and it's big and steep and miserable enough that it outweighs everything else.)

but maybe in another universe, things wouldn't be all too different after all; jaebum would still be desperately broken and as good as dead, but he wouldn't make it to the coffee shop. maybe he'd stop by the bookstore instead, or he'd drag himself to a park bench to call jackson, and he'd have his friend pick him up so ~~jaebum wouldn't have to be alone~~ they could talk face to face.

or maybe jinyoung would be the one elsewhere, mind caught somewhere distant, in the bookstore or by the park where he could've almost, maybe still met jaebum.

the last maybe is that perhaps they were destined to be like this, to meet in a crowded little coffee shop in the middle of nowhere and forced to fit what should've been a lifetime of memories into a few weeks of advanced goodbyes.

jinyoung smiles at him, but it's so terribly sad that jaebum's entire being aches with it.

(maybe in that last universe, where they never met at all, jinyoung would be spared the biggest loss of his life - jaebum isn't being egotistic about that, he knows what losing a soulmate does to people, knows how its effects are worse than never meeting a soulmate at all - and maybe jinyoung would be better off like that.)

jaebum smiles back, but he feels so terribly sad that when jinyoung looks back at him, he knows they're both aching.


	2. explanation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this isnt part of the story, it's just a lil explanation to the universe !!!

okay i know i wasnt too clear on a lot of the stuff and didnt explicitly say a lot of things abt soulmates in this au so !!! i wanted to try and explain everything in case u were confused, or if u were curious :'))

so !!! the basic idea is this: people have 3 designs on their chest over their heart, as well another one on the back of their hand (i always imagined it as their left hand).

each design on ur chest is, if u look closely, a mix of the design on ur hand and the design on ur soulmate's hand. the designs are like this:

  1. this is ur first soulmate, and they have the biggest design (which is also right over ur heart); they're the person that's best for you overall, and if they're your first, then it's a given that you're their first as well (so it's always mutual !) when u meet ur first soulmate, then the design on ur own hand disappears. it make take a minute for the design to actually fade (which was why jaebum and jinyoung were already talking when jaebum felt the prickling on his hand) and it happens differently for everyone !!! for some people it's a gentle tickly kind of fading, for some people it burns, u kno
  2. the second design is for ur second soulmate, nd they have the second biggest design. this is where it gets a lil tricky, bc your second + third soulmates may switch places, leave completely, and/or not be mutual (so someone can be your soulmate, but you're not theirs). when u meet ur second soulmate, your mixed design (the mashup thing on ur chest) disappears instead of whats on ur hand. it might b replaced by another design or it might not, so. ya kno. also ! the whole thing abt second + third soulmates is that they tend to be relative, nd depend on where u + ur soulmate are in ur lives !!!
  3. the third is like. literally the same as the second okay



i imagine jaebum's personal design is like ! really looping, with a lot of variation between thick, swirling lines and thin, delicate ones, and jinyoung's is 

this is. completely unrelated but fun fact: if ur soulmate is dead before u reach the halfway point in ur life (like if ure goin to die at 80, when ure 40) ur mashed-design thing will disappear !!!!!

 

okay so,, thats it,,,,,,,, ~~"thats it" she says after she literally writes 5 million words to explain a basic idea~~  alfdksjk but if u have any questions or anything then please let me know !!!!!!! :'))

**Author's Note:**

> thank u so much for getting thru this,,, i dont know how u did it,,,,,,,,, asfjdsk buT!!! honestly i rlly hope u liked this (im ? not too sure how i feel abt it lmao)  
> also, im still working on the jjp prequel for my yugjae fic !!! nd i kno it seems like all i write is jjp but,, i promise,,,, i have more stuff coming !!! i want to upload at least one more thing for u guys before school starts, nd idk if i can but ill try my best !  
> as usual, kudos are gr9, bookmarks are cool, nd comments r amazing !!!!  
> if u have any questions or wanna chat, u can also hmu on tumblr @ agustd-mv / twitter @ phigyeom


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